i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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