Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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