He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
