My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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