Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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