I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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