I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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