Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
