I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize