are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
