I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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