I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
