She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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