32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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