If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
