Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
