oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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