would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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