Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need to align my fucking chakras
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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