listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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