nut hugger
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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