Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
