she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
