We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
