i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize