he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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