he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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