I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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