It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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