I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
