I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize