I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
