i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
