I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
