we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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