so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize