he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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