Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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