she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
