i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
