All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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