I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
