I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize