can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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