he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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