I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
