if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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