It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
