FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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