He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
