New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
