Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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