O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize