I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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