Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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