He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
