i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
