If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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