Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
