is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
