Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
