Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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