Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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