I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize