I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
