in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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