Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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