I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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