i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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