Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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