also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pants are for mortals
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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