My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
