stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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